I'm glad school is out for awhile because I want to rest and just deal with the thoughts in my head before I take on any more. What I'm trying to do this week is talk to the Holy Spirit. I never did before; I talked to Jesus or the Father. Maybe the Holy Spirit was what talked back in whatever way the Spirit spoke, but I didn't think he was a real conversation partner.

I actually have an Orthodox prayerbook for Holy Communion and funeral services etc... and I have read some of it. Nothing much jumped out at me about the H. Spirit, but I will keep at it because it might take a while for something to jive. Sort of like, I had to do a walking meditation through a maze for a class once. I thought it sounded unhelpful. I didn't want to do it since it was a winter night and dark and cold. But an assignment was an assignment, so I did it, and I actually still remember some of the insights I recieved while walking in the maze, so it wasn't as pointless as it sounded.

It's only been a couple of days since Friday, and I hope the H. S. will reveal who he is to me... if he is a person or not. But so far when I pray, this is what I've seen: a beating heart, a pipeline and gravity. Gravity- he holds the souls together. Pipeline- he sends us what we need. Heart- you can live braindead, but not without a heart.

Right now, I have decided not to change my thinking about the H. S. unless the H. S. tells me to. Because, although I am (hopefully) flexible, there is a point at which you just say your religion is up for grabs to whoever is most convincing if you are too willing to change your mind. I don't think anyone wants me to change my mind; I don't feel that kind of pressure; I put that on myself because I don't want to be the lone oddball- I want to think what everybody else does. But only if I can with integrity.