My favorite part about class on Monday was hearing about the angel that appeared to Sherman when he was a child. In a movie, there would be dramatic music, special lighting or some sort of fanfare to signal it was a mystical moment. Real moments don't have the theatrics so I think maybe we miss it sometimes when the supernatural intersects our lives. The instance might be so fleeting, so unexpected and here, then gone, that we put the whole thing out of our minds and it is as if it never happened.

I haven't seen an angel that I am aware of, and yet I bet one has shown himself and I didn't catch it. I do think I have heard them whisper however; call it intuition or whatever, but sometimes I think they speak in almost words- more like ideas and images. Once I had the urge to go to the mailbox, even though it was the wrong time of day and the mailbox was a walk down the street. When I got there, a girl was in a tree trying to catch her birds. I got a ladder and helped her. And her mom gave those birds and the birdcage to me (I had been wanting some birds!) because she thought her daughter wasn't responsible enough to care for them. After that, the girl came to our house to play with her birds.

Sometimes I wonder where particular thoughts come from, and I don't think it's from an angel. But something trying to trip me up. A few years ago, I would have bought the angel part, but not the other voices- the ones that slyly try to convince me that something less than positive is really okay, or that it is only normal to hold a grudge under the circumstances... But I think it is important to acknowledge the good and the bad because the first step in sidestepping evil is to notice it coming at you. A think it becomes a zen sort of thing, like the way Keanu Reeves dodges bullets in Matrix, which is entirely different from focusing on the darkside so much, that the light has a hard time getting your attention.

The fact that Lutherans and Roman Catholics came to an agreement over the issue of grace is a work of grace in itself. I mean, the Christian community has been divided and subdivided over the centuries and for everything gained, something is lost... I wish the schisms had never happened and we could be one people following Jesus and not letting the details get in the way. Of course people have taken their positions very seriously, have drawn lines in the sand and said if you cross this line, you are no longer one of us. But I wonder with a God's eye view of the things we get so worked up over, if the differences are worth arguing about.

I say this as a very argumentative person. I definitely feel guilty of pursuing points when, who cares really and I end up just making the other person mad. Of course then other times I let things slide, when I wish I would have spoken up- it's so hard to get it right. Sort of like Job's buddies that hurt more than they helped. It's hard to know how to approach another person, if you should approach another person, and then what to say or do.

I am glad there is a Methodist predilection towards prevenient grace. I can get on board the idea of a trail blazing sort of grace that goes before us. It makes a lot of sense, since we are probably too goofy to be counted on to seek Christ entirely on our own. And it does take the heat off so to speak, to think that grace is at work and that if you muff it with someone and they don't get the beauty of the Christian message the way you are portraying it, that somehow, grace will put the situation right- the right person with the right message will appear at the right time to help.
After all, we have the mental image of devils laying in wait for us; wouldn't it make sense that an omnipotent God would take our vulnerability and lostness into to account. I surely think so.

Back to the reconciliation of Lutherans and Roman Catholics. I've been thinking that because we don't generally condone a wide range of beliefs in one denomination, that doesn't mean they are not there. The ordinary man in the pew might not be aware of the actual denominational differences, but if they get too uncomfortable in one church, they might hop the denominational fence or drop out all together. Which is why, I wish we could adopt a more Asian stance and just say we follow Jesus, and not get too attached to details that are subject to interpretation and in 1,000 years perhaps a particular church might not have the same take on the situation that it does today.

At first I thought Pelagius held a more humane view of humanity than Augustine did, even though he was a heretic... after all, he said people were not inherently sinful but good by nature. I thought I would prefer a philosophy that took such a positive stance. Also, people are influenced by self-fulfilling prophecies. If nobody believes you are capable, then it's hard to rise above the predictions.
But after the discussion and thinking about it, that line of reasons places sole responsibility for our mistakes on us, no excuses and there is no real grace. In the end, I see it is gentler to think there are mitigating circumstances that result in us getting off the straight and narrow. If perfection were possible, then we should take ourselves and others to task for every little mistake and foible. After a single day of messing up, it would be hard to keep up our morale since by rights we should have preformed in a better, wiser, smarter, kinder etc. manner. Eventually we would quit trying what we were not naturally gifted at since out of our comfort zones we would be bound to make mistakes. These mistakes would snowball in magnitude because as R. Neibuhr observed, when we don't live up to our own lofty expectations, it results in sin.
I guess, I appreciate it when the reality of a difficult situation is acknowledged, but another person remains optimistic and encouraging:
Sometimes I get annoyed when people make a blanket statement like Greek or whatever, shouldn't be so hard for me... that I have an edge. Saying this makes me feel stupider since they are not acknowledging my reality. If I am struggling, spending untold hours on something that everyone else thinks ought to be a piece of cake for me, then what choice do I have other than think I am brain dead or defective? If something is hard and I find it hard, then it's par for the course, but if it is supposed to be easy and it isn't, the logical conclusion is something is wrong with me.
On the other hand, I wouldn't want people saying, "Poor Cindy, she'll never, ever make it." I might work hard to prove them wrong, but their lack of confidence in me would hurt too.
This is all my long way of saying, I'm glad Augustine comes out saying the scales are tilted in favor of us botching life, so relax and depend on Grace; yet a pinch of Pelagius' attitude that we can and should suceed, might not hurt. Hummmmm, maybe grades would be an appropriate illustration. I always strive for an "A" in every subject- maybe I will get one, or maybe I won't, the thing is, if I don't try for the loftiest goal, I might not even pass a course. An Augustine-like voice might say, relax, STM is so hard, you won't get all A's- that would take the pressure off, but the danger is you could relax too much. Then a Pelagius sort might say, better get all A's or else, which would be unrealistic and stressful.